"Just Try Harder": The ADHD Stigma is Much Worse than its Symptoms

There's no reason for ADHD-ers to feel ashamed. The lack of recognition and understanding for ADHD and its impact on our lives is such a huge and underestimated barrier to our diagnosis, treatment, and overall wellbeing.

ADHD is an extremely misunderstood neurological disorder. In my opinion, disorder is a very strong word for what really just describes a different way of thinking and processing information. While it certainly has its negative aspects, if treated ADHD offers many advantages as well. The lack of understanding or awareness about ADHD has consistently been the most difficult aspect. Through a greater understanding of ADHD, ourselves, and our optimal environments, we can design a lifestyle that enhances the ADHD advantages.

People with ADHD are game-changers, risk-takers, and innovators. We are capable of all kinds of greatness, but we live in a world that eliminates our superpowers.

People with ADHD are at high-risk to face prejudice, stigma, and discrimination because our traits impact almost every aspect of our lives including the way we communicate, understand instructions, motivate ourselves to start and complete a task, and manage our emotional reactions. Unfortunately, society has decided that these aspects of life are completely based on a person's effort, but people with ADHD know that it's not that simple.

Many think these symptoms are an excuse for laziness, a lack of care or concern, selfishness, or stupidity, especially when they appear in adults. Some adults with ADHD have accepted these misconceptions as truths, and their self-esteem has likely suffered for it. Others have worked so hard to control themselves and maybe even everything around them to try and overcome ADHD all together.

These harmful and negative opinions are much more difficult to live with than the ADHD symptoms. There should not be any shame in having ADHD. These "flaws" are not moral problems. They are the result of a chemical imbalance, not a lack of effort. Sadly, society has not caught up to that idea.

When exhibited by children, people often blame ADHD symptoms on poor-parenting or high sugar intake, expanding the casualties of the ADHD character shaming to include family members as well. The lack of recognition and understanding for ADHD and its impact on our lives is such a huge and underestimated barrier to our diagnosis, treatment, and overall wellbeing.

Understanding your unique ADHD traits will allow you to design a lifestyle that enables your success and wellness.

Even though I have been diagnosed with ADD (*now both hyperactive and inattentive types are called ADHD) since I was in middle school, I had no idea how much ADHD was impacting my life until only a few years ago. When I was a few months away from finishing law school, I picked up a book called "Driven to Distraction" by Ned Hallowell. After 4 years as an English major and 3 years as a law student, I had lost the habit of reading for fun, and this was my first attempt back. It was the perfect collection of short summaries of a psychiatrist's conversations with his ADHD patients. After only a few pages, this book had already changed my life forever.

The first case study described a man named Jim who was agonizing over a project for months. He knew what he wanted to say. He knew when the deadline was. He just could not get started. The following excerpt describes how his experience unfolded in the last hours before his deadline approached:

"The night went on agonizingly. One minor distraction after another would knock Jim off-line as he tried to clutch onto the task at hand. A cat would meow outside. He’d think of something someone had said three days ago and wonder what they really meant by that. He’d want a new pencil because the one he had felt heavy in his hand...By 4 A.M. he was beat. But not beaten. The words began to come. Somehow his extreme fatigue had lifted the censor in his mind and he found himself explaining his ideas simply and efficiently. By six he was in bed, hoping to get a little sleep before his meeting with his boss at nine." Hallowell, Driven to Distraction (p. 5-6).

He was describing my entire academic life. I wanted to create a plan to work on my assignments in advance, but every time I tried, I would get frozen. I would stare at the blank word document in front of me, unable to start. I would allow any and every distraction in almost willingly, until the adrenaline rush would hit at the last minute.

It was always a passable assignment, but I was always left thinking about how much better it could have been with a few more hours of effort. The most shocking realization? This book was published in 1994. This information has existed most of my life.

I had no idea that ADHD had anything to do with this horrible habit.

Why do you always leave everything to the last minute?!

For people with ADHD, the act of starting a task is often the hardest part. In fact this situation is common for adults with ADHD who are always busy but never seeming to make meaningful progress toward important goals. We know what we need to do, we are not sure where to start, so we do a less important task that is easier while we work up the willpower to accomplish more daunting tasks.

By learning more about ADHD and the way my brain works, I have been able to re-design myself to eliminate the likelihood of this problem. Have I eliminated by ADHD? No, but I have created a lifestyle where it doesn't feel like ADHD holds me back much either.

You just need to try harder!

There is no piece of advice I've heard more often in my life, but I still struggle to hold back an instantly terrible reaction. It has taken me at least 25 years to shed the layers of guilt and shame that I have built up as a response to that advice.

I know it's coming from a well-intentioned place, but don't you think I would have done that if it was that easy? It is not enjoyable to feel like you're constantly under-performing, losing important items, completely incapable of managing deadlines or important dates, or not in control of your own mind. It's extremely anxiety-inducing.

It felt like I was just incapable and I did not know why. I got used to laughing it off when people talked to me about it like, "haha, silly me, always forgetting stuff," but secretly, I just wanted to crawl back into bed and hide from the evidence of my ineptitude.

Learning about ADHD changed my perspective on life. I stopped feeling ashamed of myself, and I started appreciated my unique talents and ADHD quirkiness. I also learned how to work around my ADHD limitations.

An Updated ADHD Definition

In "Delivered from Distraction" a more recently published "sequel" to "Driven to Distraction", Dr. Hallowell has provided us with a better ADHD definition:

"Attention deficit disorder, or ADD, is a misleading name for an intriguing kind of mind. ADD is a name for a collection of symptoms, some positive, some negative. For many people, ADD is not a disorder but a trait, a way of being in the world. When it impairs their lives, then it becomes a disorder. But once they learn to manage its disorderly aspects, they can take full advantage of the many talents and gifts embedded in this sparkling kind of mind. Having ADD is like having a turbocharged race-car brain. If you take certain specific steps, then you can take advantage of the benefits ADD conveys—while avoiding the disasters it can create. Delivered from Distraction (p. 4).

I truly don't see ADHD as a disorder anymore. I love the fast pace of my brain, and I love being surrounded by other ADHD people that find it easier to understand and enjoy my quirks, instead of just tolerating them. If you are interested in learning more about ADHD, I highly recommend reading Dr. Hallowell's book, "Delivered from Distraction."

Also, if you're ready to jumpstart your lifestyle and habits, check out the Advantage Wellness programs! These programs are a great way to get your life set up for success and also to get to know the AW community and all we have to offer! Get in contact with me here or by email (advantage.tash@gmail.com), or come back here for more information about ADHD symptoms, management, and wellness!